91. Try speed dating…

…I guess. I mean I must say I wasn’t a big fan of speed dating but I tried to make the best of it. 4 of us went speed dating at The Delancey Rooftop Bar and it was quite an experience. We encountered 50 men for 2 minutes each (which i hear pretty much hasn’t been done since the 60s…) and since I was at the end of the line I actually only had about 1 minute before the bell rang. Sometimes, however this was plenty of time.

It wasn’t exactly a broad spectrum of people. Practically everyone worked in law or finance. As a creative type I found it hard to muster the enthusiasm required. I must say my job title didn’t go down too well either. ‘I’m a senior manager for a publishing company’ kind of just met with glazed eyes and a slight yawn. I knew I should have said I was an air hostess, damn it.

I did meet some characters though. There was the slightly creepy older guy who kept calling me ‘lovely, lovely, Kate’ at the start of every single sentence and staring at my thighs. There was the guy who looked like he was trapped in the 90s who misheard my reference to ‘speed dating’ as a reference to ‘being on speed’, a topic on which he had much to say. Probably my favourite moment of the evening was when a guy sat down and said ‘I bet you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn’! I was pretty impressed. Apparently he worked it out from my shoes…

After the 30th time of hearing ‘wow i love your accent, are you from London?’ I was kind of at breaking point, and poor generic man 31 got a bit of an ear-bashing on English geography and the fact that we don’t all live in one urban conurbation. ALRIGHT?! Halfway through I got bored talking about myself and decided to use interview-style questions to freak people out. Surprisingly nobody flinched at my ‘Give me an example of when you’ve had to deal with a difficult person’ question. However, when I tried Gaga bingo, i.e. dropping in Lady Gaga lyrics into general conversation such as ‘I’m on the right track, baby. I was Born This Way’ I was just met with an awkward silence. I never got round to saying ‘I don’t speak German but I can if you like’ (Gaga, Scheisse), which was a shame.

By the end of the speed dating treadmill I was pretty exhausted. I felt like my brain had been pulled out through my nose, my accent was a weird mish-mash, and I couldn’t remember what I was even doing there. The night was completed with general mingling. One seasoned speed dater warned me that after the session the men would ‘hunt down’ the girls they liked to talk to them more. Did anybody talk to me? Nope. Unless you count the guy who asked me what filling was in the sandwiches. I’d like to think they were just so overpowered by my charisma that they just couldn’t muster up the courage. The realist in me tells me otherwise.

So did I circle anyone? Yeah I circled 3 people. They were generally the pretty normal, non-offensive ones who I probably have nothing in common with and have already forgotten what little impact they had on me. If they circled me back it would be very random. Alas, none of them were really the weird, interesting, creative type I was looking for. Not that I was really looking anyway, but hey if a certain someone stumbled across my path, it would be rude to not at least go with the flow. The best thing that came out of this evening is that it has made me realise how special it is when you do meet someone you genuinely have chemistry with. With those kind of people you don’t know why they stumble into your life but they do. It’s usually when you are not looking and you are not ready. Maybe you’re still recovering from some previous relationship trauma, but you know what don’t let that moment pass you by. Step out of your comfort zone. Explore. Discover. I remain ever optimistic that out there somewhere is the frosting to my cupcake, the Kindle to my ebook, someone who will rescue me and let me rescue them.

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