| Bono | |
| *combs hair* |
| Bono | |
| I just need it to look natural, that's all. |
| Edge | |
 | *behind Bono with rubber gloves* I know. |
| Bono | |
| I mean, my fans can really tell the difference. It's sick! Comparing picture after picture from the internet...it's so hard sometimes, isn't it, Edge? |
| Edge | |
| B, I haven't hair hair since Unforgettable Fire. |
| Ian' | |
 | *runs in waving a paper around* |
| Ian | |
| SHE WROTE BACK!! SHE WROTE BACK!! |
| Mama K | |
 | *peeks in and sniffs air* Do I smell ammonia? |
| Edge | |
| To whom did you write, to use proper grammar? |
| Ian | |
| ....*shifty eyes*...I can't tell you... |
| Mama K | |
| Let me guess. You wrote to Xena the Warrior Princess and told her that the series finale of her show destroyed every bit of hope for a Xena: The Movie, even though it wouldn't have made any money, because the lesbian community can't take her show seriously. |
| Ian | |
| No. |
| Ian | |
| But thanks for destroying every worthwhile thought I had about Lucy Lawless. |
| Mama K | |
| Oh, come on. She didn't know Latin...and she knew Ceaser? Puh-lease. |
| Ian | |
| Anyway. I...I wrote to Madonna...and she wrote back. |
| Bono | |
| Right, but it isn't REALLY Madonna. |
| Bono | |
| Everyone in the world knows that the fan mail team pulls that letter out of their asses and stamps it with a Madonna signature. |
| Ian | |
| No, no! It really IS Madonna! I told her to come to the Zoo and perform for us! And she agreed! |
| Larry | |
 | *runs in* SKIRT!! SKIRT!! Is a skirt coming here? |
| Ian | |
| Well...ehm...I guess you could call Madonna a skirt... |
| Larry | |
| Well..she is a 40-year-old mutha, but I can deal. |
| Mama K | |
| Mutha? |
| Larry | |
| Right, sorry, mother. Too much hanging around Nelly. |
| Nelly | |
 | Fo' Sheezie! |
| Kate | |
 | WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE. |
| Ian | |
| Bono, why are you being so cynical about these things? |
| Bono | |
| Ian, Madonna is a bitch who will never show up at the Zoo. You could never get her in here. And you know how the girls don't let any other women in! |
| Edge | |
| B, what's gotten into you? |
| Mama K | |
| Obviously not you, Edge. |
| Ian | |
| Hee...ditry joke... |
| Ian | |
| But still! Madonna would show up if -- |
| Bono | |
| If what? IF WHAT?! You promised her lobster dinners or a room full of gay men or an air conditioned penguin habitat or her own closet full of cone-breasted corsets?!?! WHY DON'T I GET THE DIVA TREATMENT?! |
| Awkward Silence | |
 | ... |
| Ian | |
| I'm just...gonna go now... |
| Ian | |
| *flees!* |
| Bono | |
| *left all alone* All I want is my hair to look so natural...is that too much to ask? |
| Kate | |
 | The cheese stands alone....THE CHEESE STANDS ALONE... |